Dear You
by deardiaryx0x
Summary: It was just a secret letter she had written to him, a letter she thought he'd never see. But when it would fall into the wrong the hands, it changed everything. LEYTON.
1. Chapter 1

**If you're like me, and have been a veteran for Leyton stories, then there's a good possibility that you have already read this story. I decided to re-write it and add more detail without actually changing the storyline too much, in hopes of being inspired to finish it or at least crank out another chapter or two for you guys who left me amazing feedback on this one. Looking back I realized that if I were to change any of my stories in an effort to get back to writing it, Dear You was probably my best bet. It's a little AU, but then again I don't think it's too AU, if that makes any sense at all. So, I hope I at least connect with a few people who enjoyed the story before, and gain a few newer readers as well. Happy reading, thanks lots! -- Brittany.**

_Have you ever felt like no matter how loud you screamed or how long you cried.. it wouldn't make a difference? This is the reason I believe people write sometimes. It's their way of venting, or getting out everything they need to say, but don't have the guys to say, off their chest. Or at least I know that's why I have chosen to write down things going on in my crazy, messed up life lately. Actually I don't write that much, and it's definitely not a past time of mine, we can all leave that to that Scott we all like to call 'the blonde heartbreaker'._

_Lucas. Damn him. Damn him for coming into my life. Damn him, for letting me open up, and take down these walls I've built up. But then again, I love this boy more than words could ever describe. It's funny how love works out really._

The ink of her tattered diary page had been already smeared so many times she started having trouble rereading what she had written down. But she knew exactly what she had written down and it was more than likely burned permanently in the back of her head. Everything from remembering what they had, what they had lost, and what was still there; what would always be there. She tried several times to get him off her mind by sketching angrily in her sketchbook, but before she even realized the pages would tear stained as well. Her art was always a way to release her tension and feel somehow disconnected from the world for just that time being, but lately it was just causing her even more pain, the lines she so painfully and carefully sketched out always seemed to turn into something about _him_, something about _them_. So, a few days ago she decided to try something different, and opted to express her feelings and anguish instead on paper.

At first it seemed the easiest thing in the world to do. All that would be required was for her to throw all of her feelings, thoughts and ideas on the paper, and when she was done she could just simply throw the piece of paper away, stuff it secretly under her mattress or just stick it somewhere no one would ever dream of looking.

Then the diary entries stopped becoming so angry and filled with confusion, and instead they were becoming poetic pieces of writing that she didn't even realize were just worded versions of her sketches and paintings. How could she know that everything she was writing about was still about him, when she never re-read what she wrote? Today's written therapy was written in a mere 15 minutes in the form of a letter but with a sad poetic twist. Glancing over what she had written without actually reading it, she quickly stuck it a book Lucas had given her a long time ago.

_Dear you, _

_You don't understand the way I feel... and you probably never will._ _So here's my secret letter to you that you will never find. I love you... Three small words that can change so much._ _I love you._ _The words you'll never hear me say,_ _but Lord knows I'll always feel._ _I wish I could tell you the way you make me feel,_ _but I can't._ _Our friendship means the world to me._ _I'm scared to reveal my hidden love for you._ _Scared to death of loosing you and even more terrified of being rejected._ _I've never felt this way before_ _and it's got me all mixed up._ _I want to forget about you._ _So I can go on with my life,_ _but I can't do it._ _Then I begin to think what my world would be like_ _without you. Completely._ _I may not know what I want,_ _but I do know that I'll have you in my life anyway I can,_ _even if it is just as a friend._ _I don't care just as long as you're here with me._ _It hurt seeing you with her,_ _so I tried to not even look._ _Tried to act like I didn't even care,_ _even though the pain was so deep._ _Like someone had grabbed my heart and tore it into a thousand pieces right in front of me._ _I told myself to let go of you and to just go say hi_, _to be happy for you._ _Like any other friend would._ _My feet could do the walkin',_ _but my heart.. it just wasn't ready for the talkin'._ _So I left without a hello,_ _but with a broken heart._ _Something I have never experienced before... and_ s_omething I never want to feel again._

---

"I missed you at school today," a voice called out softly from a distance behind her, startling Peyton.

Instantly she froze, not even having to turn around to see who was at her bedroom door. It was _him_. She knew it was, his presence had always been distinctive.

"Yeah, I wasn't feeling well today," Peyton answered trying to force out a fake cough.

He laughed a bit, walking over where she was and sat down next to her on the bed, "Wanna talk about it?"

Turning to stare into his eyes.. eyes that she noted she gotten lost into one too many times before. She blinked pretending to not understand what he was talking about, "Talk about what?"

"Whatever is bothering you," he stated simply, a look of satisfaction covering his face, his knowingly smirk that practically threw it in her face that she could never or would never be able to hide anything from him.

He knew he had that effect on her, and he always used it against her.

"Obviously it's still bothering you.." He restated, noticing her start to zone out and become detached from the outside world like she sometimes would.

She stared at him for a few moments, with a blank expression on her face as she searched for the right words to come to her. 'What's bothering me is you. The way I have fallen completely and utterly in love with you.. AGAIN. Well not exactly again, but maybe I just realized I had never really fallen out of love with you. That Lucas Scott is my problem.' Well it was at least what she was telling herself.

"Peyt.." Lucas whispered cutting off her thoughts by waving his hand in front of her face, "Would you just talk to me?"

"I've just been thinking a lot about my mom again," It wasn't exactly a lie, but it obviously wasn't the thing eagerly consuming her thoughts completely these days, "Both of them," She managed to mutter softly.

Gently wrapping his arms around me, he held me tight against him, his words were soft and soothing like usual, "You know I'm always here for you, Peyton."

Closing her eyes, she took advantage of their touching moment to quickly take in his scent that was his and nodded, "I know.. it's just sometimes I wonder why though."

The disappointment in the tone of his voice was obvious when he lifted up her chin with his finger, forcing her to look into his eyes as he spoke, "I'm here for you, because I want to be.. because I know you'd do the exact thing for me," he smiled softly before adding, "and mostly because I know how close we are, and how we don't keep anything from one another."

For some reason, the comment to her felt as if there was a sort of anticipation and hope in his voice. Like he was wanting to hear her say something. But she was sure she was wrong. Like always. And there was no way in hell, she was gong to tell him the real reason she decided on skipping school today. It's not hard to think why you shouldn't, when you remember you have to live with consequences of your actions.. ever since you opened up to that boy, she thought to herself again. Sure she and Brooke finally got over that huge bump in the road and mended their fences, but it doesn't help when once you get over that bump, another one just magically pops up not long after.

So what if.. she told her best friend that she thought there might be a possibility she still had feelings for Brooke's boyfriend? It wasn't like she was actually going to act on the damn feelings. She without a doubt loved Lucas, but she was more than positive he didn't return the same feelings, and she wasn't about to risk another friendship over it either.

Once again she was caught off guard when Lucas interrupted her throughts again, "We don't keep anything from one another, right Peyt?"

"No, of course not," She whispered hardly enough for him to hear, and shook her head, "I've always told you everything.. everything you should know."

'Wow, Peyton you're just becoming an expert at this lying thing. Maybe you should do it for a living.' Sometimes she really was her worst enemy.

He smiled softly, "Good."

Curiosity finally got the best of her, starting to wonder why he came over in the first place, "So, what's up?" She asked finally, "Why did you come over?"

"I can't just come to see my best friend, and hangout?," he smirked slightly, raising an eyebrow.

"Uhm, no," She chuckled slightly as his smirk quickly faded into a frown, "Dude, I was totally joking.. but really what's going on?"

He hesitated at first but then answered me with another question, "Have you talked to Brooke lately?"

He noticed that she started to laugh at his simple question, so he added, "I know you two haven't exactly been speaking.." he started to ramble on and on, "Actually I don't know why you two just out of the blue stopped being friends.."

Well, she knew exactly why they weren't on speaking terms, and the person was standing right in front of her. She was the one interrupt him this time, "No, I haven't talked to here recently.. why?" She asked her heart starting to race, dreading for the answer I know is about to come.

"She broke up with me a couple of days ago and I don't know I was just wondering if she had maybe said anything to you, " he finally revealed the not so shocking truth.

'Great.. just fucking great, Peyton. Don't you dare tell him you might have an idea why Brooke suddenly called it quits with him.' Her mouth was always getting her in trouble somehow.

She shook her head and added quickly, hating how much she was holding back with him, "No, but I'm so sorry.. I know how much she meant to you."

"Yeah.. don't worry your pretty little blond head off though, because I will get her back and you two will get over whatever it is you two are going through," he looked away for a few seconds but then quickly turned back to her, "But hey, look at it this way.. I'll have a lot more time for us to hangout."

"Greaaaat!" She jokingly said, pretending to sound not so pleased about the idea.

"Ooh, ouch that one hurt," he played along, "Maybe I'll just hang with the Daddy Sawyer.. he appreciates my excellent taste in literature.. unlike friends I know."

"Actually, you're doing me a big favor," Her smile seemed to being growing bigger by every second, surprising her.

Ironic it really is, considering the reason she had been brooding all day was sitting here next to me making me smile again.

"A normal person can only take so much after listening to you obsess over dead writers and how much influence they have had on your life, " She added still smiling.

He chuckled softly to himself and then commented, "Speaking of dead writers.. have you finished those books I gave you long time ago?"

Laughing softly, she managed to nod her head, "Actually yes, and there were surprisingly good."

"Well, I just finished this book, and I would really like for you to give it a try," he smiled sweetly.

"Highlighted with footnotes to help me along, right?" She asked, raising an eyebrow, knowing she wouldn't be able to make it past the first page without them.

His books were always hard to understand, so he started to highlight the important stuff and write down, what he thought the author was talking about after she kept going to him, asking what the hell was going on in the book.

"Like always, just for you," he smiled, his simple words and smile effecting her a lot more than she had wished they did.

"Okay, you're books are over there on my nightstand," She pointed, showing where they were.

After reaching over to get them, he stood up, "I should probably get going.." he paused for a second, "Unless you want to come over and hangout.. I need to give you that book anyway."

"Luke, I'm just not too sure if that's a good idea," She looked down, and said softly.

"Why not?" Luke asked sounding somewhat disappointed in the answer.

"You know exactly why, Lucas," She sighed, standing up as well.

"Yeah, well that reason just broke up with me, so I think we're fine," he said a bit with a bitter edge to his tone, "And still even if Brooke and I were together, do you honestly think I would just stop coming around, because she told me not to?"

"Lucas," he interrupted even before she had the chance to get out his entire name.

"Peyton, no.. I thought you knew me better than that," he bit out obviously becoming upset with what they were talking about, "I'm not going to just cut you out of my life.. I can't, and I won't!"

Bitting onto her lip, she finally looked up at him and nodded, "Good, because I wouldn't want you to."

And with that, he attempted again, "So, would just come with me?"


	2. Chapter 2

**PREVIOUSLY ON; Dear You... **

**"Lucas," he interrupted even before she had the chance to get out his entire name.**

**"Peyton, no.. I thought you knew me better than that," he bit out obviously becoming upset with what they were talking about, "I'm not going to just cut you out of my life.. I can't, and I won't!"**

**Bitting onto her lip, she finally looked up at him and nodded, "Good, because I wouldn't want you to."**

**And with that, he attempted again, "So, would you just come with me?"**

The past few days, really few months had been quite simply put, strange for Lucas. Just in the matter of a few months he had went from being in a relationship with a girl he cared for deeply to pretty much getting dumped by that same girl. After he thought about it, getting dumped wasn't all that strange considered everything he had been through lately, it was no wonder he pulled himself away from Brooke. He lost one of the people he loved the most in his life, the man he considered his true father, Keith... and even almost lost Peyton in that same shooting.

He really had no clue what his life would be like now if he had lost Keith and Peyton on that same day. Burying his beloved Uncle was enough to shatter his heart, just the thought of having to do the same for her unnerved him to the point he thought he might be going completely mad. It was true that he spent more time with Peyton lately, than his own girlfriend. But ever since sharing that moment with her in that quiet library it was like they were connecting again. He truly did love Brooke, but he didn't want to unload all of his grief onto her; with Peyton it was different. It was always different with her.

So, it wasn't all that surprising that the walk he desperately needed, led him straight to her door. She just understood him more than anyone else did, or at least she understood exactly what he was suffering through. After a moment he was brought out of his thoughts and back to her, when she reached across him to snatch her sweater.

Her blonde curls bounced, and her smile brightened. "Okay fine, Lucas Scott... so bossy" she laughed softly mumbling to herself as she stood up from the bed.

His smile came so naturally when he was with her, he never even realized it anymore, "Ready to go?"

"Yeah just let me grab my things, " she said pulling an oversized sweater over her head and quickly grabbed her bag, "Okay I'm good," she smiled and started pushing him towards her door.

Five comfortable silent minutes was spent between the two during the short car drive to his house, but it was okay since they never really needed words to communicate. An unspoken mutual agreement was there in their friendship.

"Okay now that you have accomplished your goal of kidnapping me and forcing me into this place... this place you call your room," she laughed easily as she plopped down onto his plush bed while she glanced around like she hadn't been there in ages. "What do you have planned now?"

Chuckling softy, he shook his head with a shrug of his shoulders, "I don't know honestly. I was hoping you and your vivid imagination would come up with something."

"You're seriously telling me that you're finally alone with a girl in your room... and you have no ideas?," she was obviously teasing him with a smile that quickly grew into a cute and smug smirk.

_This girl, I swear. Sometimes I wonder if she has the slightest clue about the effect she has on me. Maybe she even uses it against me, and I just haven't figured it out yet. Maybe. I wish I knew, because her hot and cold personality can drive any man in their right mind insane._

Peyton Sawyer. The girl he swore he was going to marry one day when he was younger, the girl who always had a passion for art and rock music, and also the same girl that Lucas would turn turn inside out just to impress her. She had always been a big puzzle that he could never seem to put together. Although figuring her out would be amazing, he wasn't sure if the mystery that was Peyton Sawyer was the pull he felt towards her. He once told Haley that she had way too many issues to deal with, and being with her would just be too impossible. He found out eventually that being with her wasn't all that difficult, it was just that the timing, and how it was never on their side. He also found out that he liked Peyton just the way she was, issues and all. They are what shapes her into the person she is today, and he didn't want her to change for anything, let alone anyone.

"I take it, you're thinking about it," he heard her laugh, causing him to get back into the conversation.

He couldn't help but smirk, "I guess you're not the only one with the vivid imagination after all." He cringed, preparing for a slug to the arm, he knew was bound to happen.

But instead her face turned about a hundred shades of red, her eyes popping out slightly from his playfully comment, "Okay, it's official, I'm totally grossed out now."

"Joking. I was just joking, Peyt," he chuckled to himself while reassuring her, but not himself. He hadn't been entirely just joking.

He caught her smiling again right before her eyes started scanning through his room again. Her eyes landed suddenly on an older picture of the two together, "Look at us," she whispered softly, picking up the picture frame from his nightstand slowly and laughed at the funny faces they had been making at the camera. "It's so hard to believe that is us just a year ago."

"I know, it seems like we've known each other for a lot longer than that," he agreed. Well he had admired her from afar for several years, but she didn't pay any attention to him.

Her smile instantly faded and turned to him going on the defensive, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"No it seems like we've know each other a long longer than just a few years... because of everything that has happened to us and between us."

He figured that it would make her feel better but it obviously didn't, when her frown grew even more, " I know. We have kind of lost touch," she sighed. "We're not nearly as close as we were then."

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. If anything he thought they had grown closer with the things they had experienced together, gone through together. "Maybe we have lost touch, but I don't think we've grown apart, everything lately has just brought us even closer."

She looked puzzled at first but then finally nodded, "You're always there for me," she seemed to be lost now into the picture, her finger gently running over it's glass. "I know I haven't said it much, but I truly am grateful for your friendship. I don't know where I'd be today without it."

---

Later that night, they finally called it a night and he insisted on her not walking home alone, and instead let him drive her home. The ride back to her house was mostly quiet, besides the few minutes of her singing loudly and somewhat off-key to a Dashboard Confessional song. It was amusing yet cute to him. Everything about her was amazing. Even the way she bit onto her lip before hesistanting to reach over for a hug good-bye.

When he got home he reached over to the passenger seat to grab the books she gave back to him earlier that day. As he started gathering them, one of slipped through his fingers and fell onto the floor. Noticing a piece of paper fall out of the book as it fell, he grabbed it as well. After finally getting inside, the curousity to read the piece of paper that fell suddenly got to him. Which he didn't understand, because he knew it was more than likely just a piece of paper he stuck in the book that has his booknotes to her on it.

Curousity finally got the best of him and he grabbed the book that had fallen; The Five People You Meet In Heaven. It was a tiny book for him to read, but the depth of the words was why he chose it for Peyton to try out. A man trying to find his way after death, finding out what his true purpose in the World had been. Flipping it open, he found the same paper again and unfolded it, instantly recognizing the handwriting as Peyton's instead of his.

_Dear you, _

_You don't understand the way I feel... and you probably never will._

Once he started reading, it was like he couldn't stop. The words just flowed so freely and truthfully off the paper, and honestly they made him stop to think if the writer could honestly be her. Be her thoughts, and feelings. It couldn't have been been, she always told him everything that was going on with her. At least that was what he thought all along.

_So here's my secret letter to you that you will never find. I love you... Three small words that can change so much._ _I love you._ _The words you'll never hear me say,_ _but Lord knows I'll always feel. _

"Oh god, she can't be serious. I love you...? Who the hell is she talking about, and why the hell didn't she say anything to me?" he wondered out loud.

Just the thought of her easily pouring out her feelings to some other person, literally killed him inside. He found himself remembering that night she had came to his door, confessing the way she felt towards him and then he also wondering if he made the right decision that night in choosing to be with Brooke. He didn't regret what he had with Brooke, but he just wondered what would have happened if he didn't take the easy way out that night by choosing Brooke and instead admitted his true feelings for Peyton. Brooke was easier, less complicated. She didn't have the drama and endless inssues that Peyton had. Being with Brooke just made more sense to him.

_I wish I could tell you the way you make me feel,_ _but I can't._ _Our friendship means the world to me._ _I'm scared to reveal my hidden love for you._ _Scared to death of loosing you and even more terrified of being rejected._ _I've never felt this way before_ _and it's got me all mixed up._ _I want to forget about you._ _So I can go on with my life,_ _but I can't do it._

Then came the day, she showed up on Lucas' doorstep confessing that she couldn't do it anymore. Time finally seemed to be on their side, and for once it felt like they could truly be together without any consequences. But she was scared of losing what she cherished the most of her life. Friendship. At the time, he was crushed by her rejection and just assumed she was talking about her and Brooke's friendship, but as time went on he finally realized the truth. She didn't want to lose her best friend just as much as she didn't want to lose me as a friend as well. She was scared of losing what they ultimately had, even if it just was friendship. Friendship was just the easiest for her and Lucas, he realized. In the end, no hearts would be broken; not on purpose they wouldn't be anyway.

_Then I begin to think what my world would be like_ _without you. Completely._ _I may not know what I want,_ _but I do know that I'll have you in my life anyway I can,_ _even if it is just as a friend._ _I don't care just as long as you're here with me._

Something struck him as he continued to read the letter, something that not only tugged at his heart, but also pissed him off. There were obvious tear stains on the letter, which ended up smearing up some of her handwriting. Although the words were hard to make out at times through the stains, he didn't have to know what was written, because her pain and anguish was just that see through. Her letter was so heartbreaking and poetically beautiful that the words as he spoke them outloud flowed easily together.

Like finishing the line of a verse of a song you've just heard for the first time. Her words, they just seemed perfect for one another, despite their dark tone. It hurt him to know how bad she was hurting; and it angered him to extremes that some jerk would cause her this much pain and heartbreak. As much as he would love to just wrap her up in his arms and tell her anything to make her feel better, anything that would stop the tears from flowing from those big and gorgeous green eyes of hers, he honestly would rather beat the guy's face in for all the tears he caused her.

_It hurt seeing you with her,_ _so I tried to not even look._ _Tried to act like I didn't even care,_ _even though the pain was so deep._ _Like someone had grabbed my heart and tore it into a thousand pieces right in front of me._

Whoever the guy with no face was that she was loving secretly he figured was a complete moron. It just aggravated him to no end how the guy just couldn't possible see the way she felt about him. Peyton is simply amazing, smart and beautiful, and for some guy to not see this is beyond confusing. The guy wasn't worth her tears or effort.

_I told myself to let go of you and to just go say hi_, _to be happy for you._ _Like any other friend would._ _My feet could do the walkin',_ _but my heart.. it just wasn't ready for the talkin'._ _So I left without a hello,_ _but with a broken heart._ _Something I have never experienced before... and_ s_omething I never want to feel again._

Glancing over the letter one last time, he just tried to grasp the reality of her words. Understanding why someone like her that had already went through so much in her life, had to deal with things like this was the hardest for him to grasp. Something else puzzled him, the fact that she chose to hide all this from him. She obviously had lied to him today, when he asked her if they were always true to one another. He had to know why she kept this guy a secret.

"I have to see her," he mumbled to himself, getting up quickly and walking out the door, not caring that it was violently storming outside and not to mention 3 in the morning.

He would not take no for an answer. She was going to talk him, and she was going to do it tonight, whether she liked it or not.


End file.
